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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27506803">Someone you loved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiswillendinflames/pseuds/thiswillendinflames'>thiswillendinflames</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Healing, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Past Abuse, Past Violence, alternative universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:22:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27506803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiswillendinflames/pseuds/thiswillendinflames</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For four years, Simon has been suffering from the violence of his boyfriend. For four years, Simon hadn't seen his best friends. And for all this time, Simon believed that he deserved every bad thing that happened to him.</p><p>But one day he runs away without looking back. He knows that it is only a matter of time until his boyfriend finds him, so he has to find the only two people that could help him. The problem is that he only knows where one of them live, and this one is the boy that he loved for years and that he still hasn't forgotten.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Penelope Bunce &amp; Simon Snow, Simon Snow/Original Male Character(s), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch &amp; Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey guys, how are you going?<br/>I've been writing this for a while now and I hope you liked it.<br/>I put the tags of violence and rape, but it's nothing explicit it's only mentioned, but I prefer to let the tags to warn you.<br/>Enjoy ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter 01</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>I’m walking for I don’t know how long. The fear and pain made me lose track of the time, but I was trying not to think about that. I emptied my mind and was only thinking about my goal. Walk and find the right house.</p>
<p>I didn’t know if I could find the house, but I had to try, it was my only option. So, I had to count on luck and my shitty memory to find it. </p>
<p>While I walk around strange streets, the silence around me, I can’t stop myself from thinking about what just happened. About how everything was okay until it wasn’t anymore. About how he was smiling and seemed happy until he wasn’t. About how I saw his mood change and how afraid I was because I knew what it would happen later.</p>
<p>I can’t stop thinking about how he raised his voice like he already had done so many times, and how it hurt when his fist came to my jaw, and my eyes, and then my ribs, even if everything was familiar. And now that I’m thinking about it, everything hurts even more.</p>
<p>So, I close my eyes and try to forget, at least for now. I know that my nose is still bleeding a bit, and my eyes are so swollen that they are almost closing, especially the left one where he hit it harder. But I put it all aside and keep trying to focus on my goal.</p>
<p>Fifteen minutes later I start to lose hope. I don’t know if I will be able to find the right house, and even if I do, I don’t know if he still lives here. It was a long shot after all, but I hadn’t another option. This was the only thing I could think of, and there were just two people who would help me and one of them I didn’t know where to find.</p>
<p>So, I was in the middle of Chelsea looking for a house, and trying to catch something familiar. I didn’t know what time it was, but I would guess something between 9 and 10 p.m, it was getting late, and I was starting to be even more afraid because if I didn't find him, then I would have to go back and I couldn’t go back. </p>
<p>Not after tonight. </p>
<p>I would rather sleep on some bench at the park than go back there. So, I didn’t have too much choice, I had to find him or I would spend the night walking around the streets. </p>
<p>I was so tired, and everything was hurting so much, but I couldn't stop. I couldn’t give up now. So, I just keep walking. </p>
<p>I’m close to stopping and sitting when a noise behind me makes me jump and almost gives me a heart attack, but it was only a cat. I breathe relieved, and then I recognize a door and the knocker beside me and I’m more relieved. </p>
<p>I didn’t even remember that knocker, but now that I was seeing it, I remembered the day when I told him that the gargoyle on his door was <em> fucking scaring </em>and he just rolled his eyes at me like he always did, a smirk already on his lips.</p>
<p>My plan was to find his house and now that I did, I didn't know what to do next. Could I just knock on his door? Deep down I knew that he would help me, but still, I couldn’t help but wonder if he wouldn't close the door at my face. </p>
<p>I’m still debating with myself when I hear a familiar voice behind me.</p>
<p>“Snow?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>The night was nice but boring. I already had tried to write a new chapter of my book, but my mind wasn’t in the right place. And then I tried to read a book, but I ended up reading the same sentence like ten times, so I gave up. </p>
<p>And then I tried to watch something on TV and tried to sleep earlier, but nothing was working. So, I left my house and went to have dinner at some restaurant and then I went walking around my neighbourhood. Trying to get some inspiration that would help me to go back writing. </p>
<p>But I got nothing. I was going back home with no idea of how to keep writing. How to go through this block phase that I was passing through.</p>
<p>When I am close to my house, I already feel tense, because I know that the sight of my computer will be a reminder that I haven't written anything for the past three months.</p>
<p>I’m thinking so hard about my problem, that I don’t see that there is someone in front of my door until I’m too close.</p>
<p>For a second, I worry that he could be a thief, but then I pay more attention to the man standing with his back to me and I recognize him. I would recognize those bronze curls anywhere. </p>
<p>But why would he be here?</p>
<p>“Snow?” I ask, still not believing that he was here.</p>
<p>His shoulders tense up and then he turns to me and I almost gasp when I see his face. His eyes were swollen, and he had a couple of bruises on his cheeks, his nose was bleeding, and he had a cut on his lip. </p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, what happened to you?” I step forward, in his direction, unable to hide my surprise and shock in seeing him, especially looking like this.</p>
<p>“I - I know we are not friends anymore, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” His voice trembles and his eyes are tearing up, but he looks away. </p>
<p>“Okay.” I don’t know what else to say. </p>
<p>What do I say to the boy I loved my whole life and that vanished for almost four years, when he shows up at my door, bleeding and hurt and clearly needing help?</p>
<p>“Let’s come inside.” I point to my house.</p>
<p>He nods and waits for me to get to the door first. I hear him gasping when he climbs the stairs, and see him pressing his hand against his ribs. </p>
<p>I open the door and let him come in, but he just gives a step inside my home before almost falling on the floor. He doesn’t fall only because I’m fast enough and catch him.</p>
<p>“Come on, let’s sit.” I put my arm around his waist and almost carried him.</p>
<p>I put him on my sofa and sit in front of him, seeing him close his eyes. Looking from this close he seemed even worse, and now I could see how thin he was, it was almost like he hadn't been eating the last few months. </p>
<p>“Snow?” I call him, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “Simon?” I try again, and he must feel the concern on my voice because this time he looks at me. “What happened? Who hurt you?” </p>
<p>He doesn’t say anything at first, but looks away, looking embarrassed. I didn’t want to pressure him, but I wanted to know what happened, who did this to him. </p>
<p>It was bad not seeing him over these last years, but seeing him now with so much pain and fear in his eyes, was worse. </p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about that now.” His voice is low. “I will tell you tomorrow, but not now.” I almost ask again, but I see that he’s tired, so I nod. </p>
<p>“Do you want me to call someone? A friend? Family?”</p>
<p>“There’s no one else.” He still is not looking at me.</p>
<p>“What about your boyfriend, last time I heard you were living with your boyfriend right?” I hated to remember that, but if he had someone, then it would be better if he was here to help. But then, he looks at me again, with more fear in his eyes than before.</p>
<p>“Don’t call him, do not -” He shakes his head looking afraid. “Promise me you won’t call him.” I’m without words for a second.</p>
<p>I feel my anger rising when I stop to think why he is showing this much fear on the mention of his boyfriend. I didn’t need to be too clever to realise that he was connected to whatever happened to Simon. And if this guy had been the one who did this to him, then I even wanted to think about what I could do. </p>
<p>“Okay, I promise, I won’t call anyone. Do you wanna go to the hospital or somewhere?” He shakes his head.</p>
<p>“No, I just need to sleep.” He closes his eyes again and leans his head against my sofa.</p>
<p>“Let me clean this blood and then you can sleep,” I tell him. “Just a second.” </p>
<p>I don’t know if he listens, but I go take the first aid kit that I have in my bathroom and go back to my living room, but I stop before I can reach it. I had to calm down, my hands were trembling a lot. </p>
<p>I never imagined that Simon would show up at my door, looking so broke, not only physically. I never saw him so fragile and vulnerable like today, and we have known each other since we were little kids. I already had seen Simon with a bad mood, and sad, but usually he was happy, with a smile on his face.  </p>
<p>It was sad to see him like this, but I had to help him. We were friends for years, and I loved him ever since I found out what it was to love someone. And he was needing someone to take care of him. </p>
<p>After calming me down with these thoughts, I take a deep breath and go back to the living room, and find him sleeping on my sofa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>After seeing Baz and after he took me inside his house it was easier to relax. I knew he was worried, I knew he wanted to know what had happened to me. But I also knew that he would respect my time to speak. And it was because I knew that, because I knew him, I made my decision to come here. </p>
<p>Baz and I have a complicated history, we grew up almost together, always have been in the same class at school, even in kindergarten we were together. And after we graduated, we went to the same college. It was just the two of us and Penny. We were all best friends until I fell in love with him. </p>
<p>I realized that when we started college, and I started to see that he might correspond to my feelings. We started to flirt and something was starting to happen between us until my father saw us together and freaked out. </p>
<p>I even like to remember that, but my relationship with my boyfriend wasn't the first abusive relationship I had. My father came way before him, and it was even more dangerous because he could manipulate me using my mother. </p>
<p>So, after he saw me and Baz together he made his threats and I backed away. I started to stop talking to Baz and later with Penny until we weren't friends anymore. And I never told them what happened, I couldn’t tell them, so I just shut them out.</p>
<p>All of these things passed through my mind when I was running away this night, but it wasn't like I could go somewhere else. I didn’t have anyone else. I couldn’t go to my parent's house, I had escaped that place years ago, and thanks to my boyfriend I didn’t have any new friends. </p>
<p>My only two friends I had were my old ones, Penny and Baz. And they even were my friends anymore. But I knew they would help me, and I was right. Penny was the first one I thought, but I didn’t know where she was living now, she used to live in the dorms of the college but that was years ago, and her parent's house was far away from where I was.</p>
<p>Baz on the other hand has lived in this house since we started college, but I wasn't sure when I came here, I am still embarrassed about everything that happened. </p>
<p>And I still have feelings for him. </p>
<p>When I met my boyfriend I thought it was a chance of letting Baz go, to move on. But when I realized that it wouldn't work, it was too late. He didn’t let me leave.</p>
<p>Thinking about all of that makes me even more tired than I already was. And I even realize that I close my eyes and start to fall asleep on Baz’s sofa, until I fell his fingers on my forehead, brushing my hair away.</p>
<p>I open my eyes and he freezes for a second when he sees that I’m awake, but then he keeps doing that and sits by my side.</p>
<p>“I brought some things to clean this blood, okay?” He asks with a soft voice.</p>
<p>“Okay.” </p>
<p>I close my eyes again and feel when he starts to clean my face. It stings a bit, but I don’t complain. I let him keep doing that for the next minutes. His touch is cold, but soft and comfortable. So comfortable.</p>
<p>“Done.” He says, making me open my eyes again. “Do you need anything before you go to sleep?” I shake my head.</p>
<p>“No, thanks, I just need to sleep a bit.” </p>
<p>“Are you sure? Don’t you wanna eat something?” He looks worried. </p>
<p>“I’m not hungry.” I know I’ve lost a lot of weight since Baz saw me the last time, but with everything that happened in these years, I haven't been eating like I used to. </p>
<p>“Okay.” He nods and then stands. “Come on, I’m going to show you the guest room.”</p>
<p>I follow him through his house, everything is very familiar, but I can’t pay attention to anything besides the pain on my body. I see Baz looking at me a couple of times, probably wondering if I would fall again.</p>
<p>We reach the guest room and Baz leaves for a second and comes back with a pillow and a blanket and puts on the bed behind me. I try to sit on the bed, but the pain on my ribs stops me, making me gasp.</p>
<p>“Here,” Baz says coming to my side. “let me help you.” </p>
<p>I feel his arm around me and slowly he helps me to lay down on the bed and then he covers me with the blanket. </p>
<p>“Try to rest a little.” I nod to him.</p>
<p>He brushes my hair away from my forehead, just like he did before, I close my eyes and lean on his touch.</p>
<p>“Good night, Simon.” He starts to turn away but I hold his wrist.</p>
<p>“Thank you. Really. Tomorrow I’ll tell you what you want to know.” He nods. “Good night, Baz,” I say already closing my eyes again, the tiredness of the day pulling me in. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>I keep watching Simon sleep for about five minutes until I realize that it might be a little creepy and then I leave the room. </p>
<p>I walk back to the living room with my head still buzzing with questions and concern. I was almost sure that my theory about what happened to him was right, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions before knowing all the facts. </p>
<p>I never expected to see Simon on my door, I barely saw him after he stopped talking with me and Penny, but it was after the college was over that he disappeared. And I never understood why he stopped talking to us in the first place. </p>
<p>We were friends, best friends until we started to be something more. At college, I started to see that he might be corresponding to my feelings, we were flirting and saying things to each other, and our friendship changed. Slowly we were seeing where that relationship (if I can call that way) it would go.</p>
<p>And then on the day of our first official date, he didn’t show up at college and started to ignore my text and calls. He came back a couple of weeks later, but he was different, he didn’t look me at the eye and his usually happy and excited mood was not there anymore. He was not the Simon I knew. My Simon.</p>
<p>After that, he started to avoid meeting me and then Penny, and all our calls and texts remained without response. So, eventually, Penny told me that we had to let him go, that for some reason he didn’t want to be friends with us anymore and we couldn't force him.</p>
<p>I saw him around the campus a few times, and a year later I heard that he was dating some guy, I didn't want to believe it until I saw them together. Simon still didn't look happy, but at that time I thought that my jealous mind was tricking me to see what I wanted. But maybe I wasn't. </p>
<p>My phone rings at someplace inside my house, waking me from my mind. I find the phone at the kitchen counter and see Penny’s name on the screen.</p>
<p>“Hey, Penny.” I greet her.</p>
<p>“Good night, Baz.” I hear a muffled voice. “Shepard is saying hi.” She translated. “Where were you? I called an hour ago.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I went to eat something and then took a walk. I left my phone at home.” I think for a second that I shouldn't tell her about Simon, but she was his friend too, and I knew that she was still missing him. “So, something happened -” I start.</p>
<p>“What? Something bad?” She sounds worried. </p>
<p>“Sort of. When I came back here, I found Simon on my door.” </p>
<p>“Simon? Our Simon? Simon Snow Salisbury?” I roll my eyes, we didn't know any other Simon.</p>
<p>“Yes Penny, this Simon.” </p>
<p>“Why is that a bad thing? He is okay?” I shake my head even though she can’t see me.</p>
<p>“No. He is hurt. His face is full of bruises and blood. And with probably more wounds where I couldn't see.”</p>
<p>“What?” I hear the concern in her voice. </p>
<p>“He said he didn't have anywhere else to go. I brought him inside, cleaned the blood and now he’s sleeping. But he looks bad Penny, not only because of the fresh wounds, but he looks like someone who hasn't eaten in the last months. He is nothing but skin and bones. And he looks tired, sad, I don’t know how to explain.” There are a couple of seconds of silence until Penny talks again.</p>
<p>“But what happened? Who did this to him?” </p>
<p>“He didn't tell me, he said he would explain tomorrow. But I think I know who did this.”</p>
<p>“Who?” I know Penny enough to know that she was extremely angry now.</p>
<p>“Well, I asked if he wanted me to call someone, his family or his boyfriend, at first he said he hadn't anyone, but when I mentioned his boyfriend -” I stop for a second remembering the look on his eyes. “Penny, he looked so afraid. He made me promise not to call that guy, he was terrified.”</p>
<p>“You think his boyfriend did this?” </p>
<p>“He didn’t tell me anything, but I think it’s probable.” I shrug. </p>
<p>Penny doesn't say anything for a minute. I’m wondering if she is still on the call when she says.</p>
<p>“I’m going there.” </p>
<p>“What? Where?” </p>
<p>“To your house.” I hear some noises in the background.</p>
<p>“Penny, he is sleeping now -”</p>
<p>“I know, but I want to see him. He’s my friend too, and I miss him, and -”</p>
<p>“Penny,” I cut her. “Come tomorrow morning. He is sleeping and I will go to sleep in a minute, coming here today won't help. I know you are worried, I am worried too, but we will have to wait.” She sighs. </p>
<p>“Okay, I know you are right. I just - All this time I wanted to go looking for him, I wanted to know how he was going, but I wanted to believe that he was fine, happy. And now I just don’t know what to think.” </p>
<p>“I know.” </p>
<p>“Tomorrow morning I’ll be at your house.” I nod. </p>
<p>“I’ll be waiting for you.”</p>
<p>We end the call and I keep staring at the screen for more than a few seconds. I feel mentally exhausted. I already was before Simon showing up and now I was even more. </p>
<p>Before going to my room, I stop to check on Simon and see that he’s sleeping peacefully, which leaves me a bit relieved. I close the door and go to my room, I’m so tired that I just change my clothes and fall on the bed. </p>
<p>But it takes a few minutes for me to calm my mind and heart. Simon’s face doesn't leave my head. The way he is hurt, the fear on his eyes, everything makes me want to scream. And to punch the responsible for that. </p>
<p>Eventually, I do fall asleep, still thinking about Simon and trying to figure out how I could help him. </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>I don’t recognize the place I am when I wake up. But it takes me only a few seconds to remember what happened last night and that I was at Baz’s. Then I start to freak out because I don’t know why I came here.</p>
<p>I don’t know why I did what I did last night and now I was truly fucked. I shouldn't have come here, I shouldn’t have reacted this time. Now he would come after me and then it would be worse, he would be even madder and I was putting Baz in danger too. </p>
<p>I can’t contain my tears and the panic that hits me. I had to go back there before he got angrier, but I knew that if I came back there I wouldn't leave anymore. My life that was already hell would become even worse. My brief moment of bravery probably saved me from the worst. </p>
<p>But it was insane how a part of my brain, even knowing all of this, still wanted to go back there, still wanted to soften the situation, and still was afraid of what would happen next.</p>
<p>I’m crying so hard now that I don’t listen to the door opening and even see Baz walking in the room until he is sitting by my side talking to me.</p>
<p>“Simon? Simon, what happened?” He sounds so worried that makes me cry even more. “Something is hurting? Do you wanna go to the hospital?” I shake my head. </p>
<p>“I shouldn't have come here.” I sob. </p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have come here,” I repeat. “Now everything will be worse.” I don’t know how he can understand my words in the middle of the tears. </p>
<p>“What will be worse?” He asks but I just shake my head again. “Talk to me, I can help you. I want to help you.” </p>
<p>I try to talk but I choke on my words, I look at Baz and he is looking like he is the hurt one and that makes me sob again. I’m trying to calm myself when he pulls me to him, and hugs me, stroking my hair.</p>
<p>“Okay, you don’t need to talk, just nod or shake your head, okay?” I nod. “It was your boyfriend who did this to you?” I nod and I feel his arms tensing up around me. “It was the first time that this happened?” I shake my head and he sighs. “You did the right thing coming here. I’ll help you I promise.” He tells me. “Come on, we don’t need to talk now, you can take a shower if you want to and have breakfast. I remember that you always loved breakfast.” He tries to lighten his voice.</p>
<p>I nod against his neck, knowing that I had to calm down before telling him everything that happened. </p>
<p>“Okay.” I manage to say.</p>
<p>“What do you wanna do first?” </p>
<p>“Breakfast.” It’s so good to feel his fingers on my hair that I almost close my eyes and ask him to stay here. But I lift my head and look at him. </p>
<p>“Okay then, let’s go.”</p>
<p>I stand and follow Baz to his kitchen where he already had put some food on top of the counter.</p>
<p>“I hope you still like scones, I bought a few for you.” He hands me a plate full of scones.</p>
<p>“It’s been months since I ate a scone,” I tell him. “But I still like it, thanks.” He nods and puts a mug of coffee in front of me, he seems to be avoiding my look.</p>
<p>“Penny called last night.” He tells me. “I told her you were here and she wanted to come to see you, I hope that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s okay. I thought of looking for her, but I didn't know where she was living, I had the best shot looking for you, so I decided to come here.” He looks at me.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you did.” It’s my time to avoid his look. I was still feeling guilty and embarrassed for vanishing. For letting him think that I didn’t like him. </p>
<p>I finish my breakfast in silence, sometimes noticing his eyes on me. After I finish, Baz goes to his room and takes some clothes for me and then I go take a shower. </p>
<p>I try to avoid looking myself at the mirror, but it’s impossible. My eyes were swollen, the left one was almost completely closed, but the right one was better. My nose and cheeks were a mix of shades of purple, but I still could see some old bruises that were almost in a yellow shade, disappearing from my skin. </p>
<p>I close my eyes, and turn my back to the mirror and start to take my clothes off. The pain on my ribs it’s more bearable today, so I can take off my shirt without screaming. When I look back at the mirror, I see how thin I was. Not that I haven't noticed before, but sometimes it was easier to ignore. But now though, I can see the shape of my ribs and collarbone. </p>
<p>I don’t want to keep looking at me, so I finish taking off my clothes and go to the shower. The water it’s great and despite the panic, I felt this morning, and that I was still feeling, I knew it has been a long time since I was this relaxed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>Simon is looking even more vulnerable this morning. I was surprised when I saw him crying this morning, I had gone there to see if he was awake and found him sobbing, and saying that he shouldn't have come here. It was heartbreaking.  </p>
<p>He is so broken and I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how. I was already almost sure that whatever that happened had something to do with his boyfriend, but when he confirmed it, made me so angry, especially because this wasn't the first time. They have been together for years, so how long has this been happening? </p>
<p>The doorbell rings making my thoughts go away. It must be Penny, she was so eager to come here that I’m surprised she didn't show up at 6 AM.</p>
<p>“Good morning.” She says when I open the door. “I’m sorry, I know it’s still early, but I couldn't wait anymore.” She walks in.</p>
<p>“Good morning, actually I thought you would come earlier.” She looks around the living room and kitchen, not paying attention to me.</p>
<p>“Where is he?”</p>
<p>“Taking a shower.” I point to the bathroom. </p>
<p>“And how is he?” She sounds even more concerned. </p>
<p>“Worse than yesterday I think, it’s like now he is realizing what happened. This morning he was crying and saying he shouldn't have come here and that everything would be worse now.” I was about to tell her that he told me that it was his boyfriend who did that to him, but she cuts me. </p>
<p>“We have to help him.” I nod. “We -” Before she could say something Simon appeared in the kitchen. “Simon.” Penny runs in his direction and then throws her arms around him. “I missed you.” She says.</p>
<p>“I missed you too,” Simon answers, hugging her too.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Penny never had much patience to wait. </p>
<p>“I-” Simon looks away. </p>
<p>“And I don’t mean just what happened yesterday, I mean since you stopped talking to us.” Simon looks like Penny had just slapped him. </p>
<p>“Why don't we sit first, and then we can talk,” I suggest, making both of them nod at me. </p>
<p>“So?” Penny asks Simon after we sit down. He doesn't say anything at first, he looks embarrassed and afraid. </p>
<p>“I-” He starts, but he looks nervous, so he clears his throat. “I don’t know if you both remember very well of my father, but you once said that it looked like he was always angry or mad with someone and that it was very accurate actually,” I remember that Penny said as a joke when we were at school, and Simon agreed, but he didn't seem to enjoy that joke. “My father has always been a violent person, he used to beat on my mother even before I was born, and after it became worse. My mother protected me at first, but she couldn't do it forever so with time I was my father's new target.” </p>
<p>“Simon,” Penny says. “Why did you never say anything to us?” She is as shocked as me. How did I never realise that he was being hurt inside his house?</p>
<p>“My father told me not to do it, and he used to say that if I told someone he would hurt my mother again, so I didn’t tell anyone.” He shrugs. “Anyway,” He keeps talking before we could say something. “He liked to control my life, that’s why he didn't let me live closer to the college, he wanted me in his house to keep an eye on me. And he never liked my friendship with both of you, and then one day,” He looks at me but then looks away, his cheeks blushing. “He told me that I had to stay away from both of you, threatened me, my mother and even you both, so I did what he asked me.”</p>
<p>Simon doesn't look at any of us, but Penny looks at me. I can see that she’s thinking the same as me. How did we miss this? Simon never told us, but we were his friends, we should have seen something, we should have realised that he was hurt. </p>
<p>“Some months after that, my mother found out that she was ill, she made me promise that I would leave that house, but I couldn't let her alone. She got worse and worse and still was asking me to leave, but I wouldn't leave her with him. Six months after she died, my father was so busy with the hospital and then with the funeral that he didn't pay attention to me, so I took my things and left after the funeral.”</p>
<p>“We didn't know your mother had died,” Penny says holding his hand.</p>
<p>“My father didn't want to tell too many people.” He shrugs. “Well, I knew it would be only a matter of time for him to find me, and I was about to look for you two, I really was. But it was late at night, I was scared and didn't have anywhere else to go, and then I met Henry. I already had seen him around the campus, and I guess he knew me too because he came closer to me and tried to help me. I didn't explain what happened, but he understood that I was afraid and was needing a place to stay. He said he had a room in his flat that his old roommate had moved and I could stay there.”</p>
<p>He closes his eyes and I can’t understand his expression right now, fear? Shame? Guilt?</p>
<p>“With time, we started to get closer,” He blushes again. “But I was not with my head in the right place, it was nice to have someone, but I was not wanting a relationship with him. Unfortunately, when I had the courage to tell him that, it was already too late for me to escape. It took months for me to want to leave, and that same amount of time to see that he was just like my father.”</p>
<p>He opens his eyes now, and there is so much pain on his eyes that I almost look away. It hurts to look at him now. </p>
<p>“I just accept that. I accept what was happening, because if I didn't deserve that, then why was it happening again with me?” He shakes his head. I want to tell him how wrong he is, I want to say something, but I’m too surprised with everything he is telling us. “Anyway, I finished college and started to work, but with time I had to stop working because he was getting more jealous and the people that were working with me, were already starting to realise that something was off. I wanted to leave, but the fear didn't let me plan anything, didn't let me try anything.”</p>
<p>“Why did you escape now then? What changed?” I ask him. </p>
<p>“Yesterday he was with some friends at the flat, they were drinking and seeing a game. One of his friends came asking for another beer, but Henry saw and thought that I was hitting on his friend. He didn't do anything until his friends went away. When we were alone he started saying things and accused me of hitting on his friend right in front of him, and then he lost his mind.” He pointed at his face. “I don’t know why, but this time I just reacted. I don’t know if it was because I was too afraid, or if it’s because he was angrier than I have ever seen, but I pushed him and he fell and hit his head on the wall. I knew that if I stayed it would be worse, so I left before he could stand.”   </p>
<p>Penny and I just look at him without words. What can we say after what he told us? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>They both are looking at me without saying anything, so I keep talking.</p>
<p>“I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I knew that I had to look for you both.” I look at Penny. “I didn’t know where you were living now, but I thought I could find Baz’s house, so I came here.” Penny throws her arm around me and lies her head on my shoulders.</p>
<p>“We will help you, okay?” She says.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you can -” I start saying but Baz cuts me.</p>
<p>“Penny is right, we will help you. You can stay here as long as you want, and we will figure everything out.” I shake my head.</p>
<p>“This will be one of the first places he will look for me. He knew that the three of us were friends, and he didn't like it. He will go after Penny and you.” I look at him.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not afraid and that won’t stop us from helping you.” I don’t look away from him and he keeps looking at me too. “My aunt Fiona, remember her?” I nod. “She works with the police, I can call her and you can tell her what you just told us and she can do something about it. At least she can get a restraining order so he can’t get closer to you again.” Could that work? If I do this, then I’d be free from that life? From this fear?</p>
<p>“You think it would work?” I look at Penny and then at Baz again.</p>
<p>“We can try. You won’t go back there, Penny and I wouldn't let you.”</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Penny says.</p>
<p>“And you can’t keep moving around, afraid that he will find you. We will talk to Fiona and she will get the restraining order and if he gets too close again we call the police and he won’t ever come closer to you again.” He sits on my other side.</p>
<p>“I -” I didn’t want to go back there, only thinking about it already made me panic. But I was afraid of what would happen if he found me. But what can I do? Just wait and be afraid? I had to do something. “Okay, I’ll talk to her.”</p>
<p>Baz was about to say something, but then a knock on his door makes me jump, and my first instinct is to hold his hand. </p>
<p>“I will open it,” Baz says with a soft tone, but I can see that he’s tense too. </p>
<p>“No, if - Don’t -” I can’t form a proper sentence. </p>
<p>“That’s okay,” Penny says. “I think it’s Shepard, I told him that I would be here.” She says and stands before I could stop her.</p>
<p>“Who is Shepard?” I ask Baz.</p>
<p>“Penny’s boyfriend.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” I knew I had lost many things in their lives, but it still makes me sad.</p>
<p>I don’t realise that I’m still tense until Baz squeezes my hand and says.</p>
<p>“It’s Shepard, I can hear his voice.” I nod, trying to calm down, but some tears start to burn in my eyes. “What’s wrong?” Baz asks.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to live like this Baz. I don’t want to be afraid every second, wondering if he is getting closer, if he will find me.” I feel my tears falling on my cheeks. </p>
<p>“I know.” He brushes my cheek, wiping the tears. “First, let’s call my aunt and then we will see what we will do, okay?” I nod. “We will figure it out. Everything will be fine, I promise.” </p>
<p>And because he said it, and because of the way he is looking at me now, I believe in him. Everything would be okay.  </p>
<p>I lay down my head on his shoulder and he lays his head on top of mine still whispering that everything would be fine. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who read it &lt;3<br/>I'd like to remember that the story might have something triggering for some people, so read the tags before reading the chapter.<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter 02</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hear when Penny walks back in the room, and I open my eyes to find her and Shep at the door looking at us weirdly. Penny always knew about my feelings for Simon, she was the one who encouraged me to ask Simon for a date. She always said that Simon also had feelings for me, but that he was a bit thick to realise it sooner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I never believed her entirely, but I trusted her enough to ask him to go on a date with me, and I was really surprised when he said yes. And then after he disappeared and stopped talking to us, I thought it was my fault, that maybe he didn't like me, and was uncomfortable around me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, knowing that it was because of his father, I feel confused. Did he like me before? I know I have more important things to care about now, but that question was buzzing in my head. Simon used to like me?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I feel Simon tensing up by my side, and he whispers a ‘Hi’ to Shepard. I guess he was embarrassed to meet Penny’s boyfriend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon, this is Shepard, my boyfriend. Shep, this is Simon.” Penny introduces them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, dude.” Shep waves at him. “Hey, Baz.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Shep.” I greet him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have to go, I forgot that my mum had asked me to meet her at the university and I’m already late,” Penny says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay, we talk to you later.” Penny sits on Simon’s other side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you need anything call me, okay?” He nods. “And you call Fiona, the sooner Simon does this the better.” She says to me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I’ll call her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They give us goodbye and then Simon and I are alone. He still has his head on my shoulder, so I lay my head back on top of his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better?” I ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” His voice is low. “I don’t know if I’m better, but I feel lighter now that I told you both everything.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” I say. “Do you want me to call my aunt now or later?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Later. Now I wanted to do something normal, like watch a movie or something like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, we can watch a movie if you want to.” I lift my head and he lifts his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to work?” He asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, no. I mean, I work from home. I’m a writer, but I’m not being able to write much these days.” Simon almost smiles, and I ask myself how long has it been since he smiled last time? “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you really became a writer. I remember that you always wanted to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it’s a bit harder than I thought, my first book was published three years ago and since then I wasn't able to write anything else.” I shrug. “But anyway,” I don’t want to drag Simon to my problems. “What do you wanna watch?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything, I just want to turn my thoughts off.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I chose a random movie on Netflix and Simon lays his head on my shoulder again. It’s nice to stay here with him. He is warm and comfortable, and I missed him so much these last years that I wish we could stay right here forever, without anything or anyone to bother us.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wish I had known about his father before, if I knew, then I would find a way to help him. He could have been here with me or with Penny for these last years and not suffering because of his father and then his boyfriend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I can’t change the past, so I want to protect him from all the bad things from now on, he already has been through enough, and I want him to be happy now. My new goal from now on is to help him be happy, help him to smile again. And I’d do anything for that to happen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wake up on Baz’s sofa and for a second I don’t remember how I ended up here. But then I remember that we were watching a movie and I started to feel sleepy and probably fell asleep in the middle of the movie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I look around the living room, but Baz is not here. But then I hear some noises and start to smell something great coming from the kitchen. The smell makes my stomach growl, I guess I was a bit hungry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Baz is in the kitchen, his back turned at me, cooking something at the stove. I take this moment that he hasn't seen me yet, to look at him. Really look. I always thought that Baz was the most good looking person I have ever met. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When we were younger I used to think that I envied him for being so gorgeous. It was only a few years later that I found out that it wasn't envy what I was feeling, I was jealous and afraid that someone could take him from me. I knew that it would be only a matter of time until he started to date because how could he not? I saw the way that the girls and boys always looked at him. I always looked at him the same way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I guess that at the end that didn’t matter. I ruined everything, my father ruined everything. How different everything could be if I had run away when my mother asked me to? Or if I had told Baz and Penny the truth? If I had followed my plan at that time and had looked for them instead of meeting Henry?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” I’m so lost on my thoughts that I don’t see when Baz turns to me. “I didn't see you there. Are you hungry?” He asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” I sit on the chair at the counter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great, the food will be ready in a couple of minutes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The smell is great.” He smiles and I try to remember when it was the last time I saw him smiling. I always loved his smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope it tastes great too.” He turns to me. “Have you been able to rest a little?” I nod. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I even had realised that I was tired until I woke up.” He nods and then looks at me looking a bit hesitant. I’m about to ask if something is wrong when he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I called my aunt.” I stay still for a second and then look at him. “She said she can come here this afternoon to talk to you, but if you are not ready I can tell her to come another day.” It would be easy to postpone this, to deal with the problem later. But I already waited for too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. I’ll talk to her, I need to do this.” He takes my hand on top of the counter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be here with you.” That almost makes me smile. Having Baz with me was what I always wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He squeezes my hand and then goes back to the stove. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Baz puts two plates on the counter and then the food. It’s smelling and looking amazing, I don’t remember how long it’s been since I had a proper meal. It’s not like I was not eating anything, but I didn't enjoy food anymore, not like I used to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We eat in silence, but I can see Baz glancing at me a couple of times. I know he is worried about me, and after everything I told him this morning, he has all the reasons. If Baz was in my place now, I’d be reacting the same way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I help him to clean the things after we finish, and even with the silence, it’s comfortable to be with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The food was great,” I tell him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks.” He smiles. “Do you want to see another movie?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it would be nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But before we could reach the living room, the doorbell rings, making me stop. I feel the panic rising inside of me, but Baz only turns to me and says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s probably Fiona, she said she was coming this afternoon.” He says, already turning to the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m still tense when he opens the door, and then relives washes through me when I see Baz’s aunt on the other side of the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo, I had a break now and thought that I could come here already.” She hugs Baz and walks in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay.” He answers her, and then she sees me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s been years since I saw Fiona Pitch last time, but she is looking exactly the same. The same leather jacket and black boots. The same raised eyebrow that I was so used to see on her nephew's face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Snow.” She looks a bit surprised with my face, I don’t know how much Baz told her, but she doesn't seem to be expecting me to be looking like this. “You were gentle when you said he was hurt.” She looks at Baz. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fiona,” Baz says in a disapproval tone, but she ignores him and comes in my direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on Snow, it seems we have a lot to talk about.” She pats my shoulder and goes to the living room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We sit on the sofa and Fiona sits on the chair in front of us. There is a weird silence when Fiona is answering some texts, Simon is tense beside me, and I wonder if he will be able to tell her everything he told me and Penny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Fiona starts after putting down her phone. “Baz told me briefly about what happened, Snow, but I need to know everything that happened. I will need to take your statement, probably you will need to come to the police station another day so we can officialize everything. With this statement, we will be able to have a restraining order, but I can’t promise anything besides that. After the statement other people will be dealing with the situation, I’ll try to help as I can, but the restraining order is already a good thing.” He nods. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” He says and then he starts to tell what he told me before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fiona doesn't say anything, just records what Simon is saying and sometimes makes some notes. I already know everything Simon is saying, but it still fills me with anger, he didn't deserve any of that, and the fact that he thinks he did, only breaks my heart even more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I take his hand again to let him know that I’m here with him. That I’ll still be here whenever he needs. He squeezes my hand and I think he likes that I’m here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Fiona says when Simon finishes. “I’m very sorry for everything that happened, and I will do everything I can to help, okay?” He nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” She stands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will take your statement, and as I said it before, probably they will call you to go there, but I think we can already start the process to get the restraining order. Until then, be careful you both.” I stand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Fi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad I can help.” She looks at Simon. “Get better, okay? And don’t worry, everything will be fine.” Fiona never is soft with anyone, but I haven't another way to describe her tone to Simon other than soft. “I have to get going, but if you both need something, just call me.” She doesn't wait for our response, just turns and leaves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I go after her to thank again and to close the door. When she is already outside my house she turns to me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take care of him, Basil. He needs someone right now, and it wouldn't be bad if he started talking with a therapist.” I nod.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but I want to give him a few days of peace before starting anything. He doesn't need to start reliving everything again.” She looks at me and then lowers her voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You still love him, don’t you?” I never was able to hide anything from her, so I just nod. “Be careful, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt, and Snow already had been hurt enough.” I nod again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want to help him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you do.” I feel like a kid under her look. “I have to go now, but have a good day and if you need, call me.” And then she leaves before I could reply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I go back and find Simon still sitting on the same spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everything okay?” I ask, sitting by his side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m just thinking.” He shakes his head. “Nothing important.” I know it’s probably something important, but I didn’t want to pressure him, so I changed the subject.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was thinking, we have to go take your things from your old flat, you won’t go back there so there’s no sense in leaving everything there.” He looks at me. “I can go with Penny, you stay here of course, and then we can take your things.” Simon’s eyes widened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, don’t go there. I didn’t have many things, l can leave it all behind, just don’t go there.” The panic in his voice scares me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon, that’s okay, we won’t tell him where you are. We will just take your things -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Baz, you don’t get it, you can’t go there.” He holds my arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?” He shakes his head and looks away, but I see his red cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you, he knew that I was your friend and that we -” He stops for a second. “He was jealous of you.” He blushes even more. “If you show up there, I don’t even -” He looks at me again. “Just don’t go. Please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I won’t go there, I promise.” I want Simon to trust me, so I would keep my word. “You don’t have anything that you want to take? I won’t go, but we can talk to Penny and Shepard, I even can ask Fiona to go too, so they can take it for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I only had clothes, nothing important. When I ran from my parent's house, I couldn't take too many things with me.” I nod.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, you can keep using my clothes for now, but this week we can go to buy some things for you.” I know he will start saying that he doesn't want me to pay things for him, this was always an old discussion, but I cut him before he could say something. “I know that you don’t like having someone buying things for you, but it’s just for now. You’re not in conditions to work, so let me help you. I want to help you.” He seems to think but then nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, I’ll let you buy me clothes. But just for now and I’ll pay you back.” It’s impossible not to roll my eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so stubborn.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are the stubborn one.” He says and then he gives a small smile, but that is enough for making me smile too. I don’t think he realises that because he only shakes his head and says. “Let’s watch that movie then.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s easier to sleep that night, I’m calmer and I feel safe here. I know that I can sleep peacefully because Baz is in the other room, and if I need anything, he will be here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penny comes the next morning to see me again, we talk while Baz goes to his office to try to write something. It’s good to have Penny’s company again, she was always in my life and I always consider her like my sister and since we were kids I felt that I could tell her everything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I always knew that our friendship was different from my friendship with Baz, but I didn’t realize why until I started to look at Baz with other eyes. When that happened, Penny also was the first one to notice and kept saying to me that I should talk to him about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hated to leave her behind, to pretend that I didn’t care about our friendship anymore. But I had to let Baz safe, and for that, I had to leave both of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today she is smiling more, and I can see that she is more relaxed than yesterday, and I feel the same way. Yesterday I was tense, waiting for everything to go wrong, but now I was starting to accept that things would get better and that this was my new life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate to leave you, but I have to work.” She says after looking at her watch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where are you working?” I ask her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a reporter at Watford Magazine, but some days of the week, like today I only have to work half period at the office.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s nice.” She smiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is, I love to work there.” Her phone rings. “I’m going.” She says to no one in particular. “It’s my boss, now I really have to go.” She stands and I stand with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming to see me.” She hugs me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t need to thank me, I’ll be here all the time now.” I like that. Having my friends with me all the time. “If you need anything, just call me, okay?” I nod.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I take her to the door, and it feels a bit weird. This was not my house, but I was comfortable here and Baz wanted me to feel like I was at home. To be honest, I felt more at home in two days here, than in three years with Henri. But I guess it had to do more about the people involved than with the place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” I turn and see Baz leaving his office. “Penny already left?” I nod.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, her boss was calling her.” I walk back to the living room and Baz sits on the sofa with me. “Did you write something?” He shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s like everything I write doesn't make sense. My head seems to be empty.” He sighs. “I was thinking, if you agree, we could go take a walk, maybe buy some things for you.” That surprises me a bit. I was not expecting to leave today. “It’s okay if you don’t want it-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s okay. I can’t stay locked inside your house forever.” I shrug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, we can have lunch at some restaurant and then we will go buy your things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I still don’t like the idea of you buying me things.” He rolls his eyes and that makes me smile a bit, I missed Baz a lot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t discuss that with you again.” He says with a smile. “Now come on, let me take some of my clothes to you so we can go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Baz gives me some clothes that are too short for him, he is taller than me, but even so, the clothes are still big for me. But I feel comfortable in his clothes, I don’t know how to explain why, but I do. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon is wearing my clothes again and everything is big on him, he has always been shorter than me and now he was so thin that I was sure that even his clothes would be too big. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t say any of that to him, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, so I just nod to him when he shows up at the living room and then we leave my house. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He is tense, I can see that. I can feel that. He keeps looking over his shoulder every five minutes and every time we see some bloke of our age with brown and short hair he stops walking until he sees that it’s not his ex-boyfriend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t ask about that, or about how he is feeling, I don’t mention his ex-boyfriend name and just talk about other things that could clear his mind. I know it’s not totally working, but I can see that he’s trying to let it all aside, to pay full attention to me. But I know it’s hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here,” I tell him when we pass through my favourite store.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baz.” He says looking startled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is an expensive store, I can’t - I don’t -”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon,” I cut him. “That’s okay, I buy my clothes here all the time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you’re rich.” He says as I have forgotten. “And I know you’re buying now, but I’ll pay you eventually, and I definitely can’t pay you back the price of these clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t need to pay me back. Think that this is four years of delayed birthday and Christmas gifts.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I also have to give you four years of delayed birthday and Christmas gifts.” He crosses his arms and his eyes seem to be challenging me. Christ, I missed him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s something I can say to convince you?” He shakes his head and I roll my eyes. “Then come on, let’s look for another place to buy your clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time he really smiles, not for too long, but he smiles and I feel warmer. Like I was closer to the sun. And I knew I was. At least closer to my sun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We end up in another store, it’s not the cheaper store around here, but it’s not the most expensive one either. But either way, I don’t let Simon look at the price tags, I just go with him through the store, picking some clothes and showing to him, when he nods to me, I pick his size and carry it for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After buying his clothes, we went through other stores so I could buy some things for myself, and then we went to the grocery shop to buy food.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For what I can see you still have a sweet-tooth,” Simon says looking at the sweets I bought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I need to have sweets in my house or I’ll get insane.” He smiles again and my heart misses a beat because he smiled two times today. This time was barely a smile, but it still counts. “Do you want something from here?” I ask pointing at the food. “Something you wanna eat?” He shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not at the moment, but if I remember something I tell you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, but you are choosing our dinner tonight.” He stops walking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t we go back to your place?” He looks scared again. “I just - I” He looks over his shoulder again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon,” I call him. “That’s okay, I think we have already been out for too long. Actually, I was talking about you choosing something for us to order at home, and maybe we could watch another movie.” He relaxes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s good.” I smiled at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go then, I think I already caught everything we need.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We walk back to my house, and I try to keep talking, to not let Simon be afraid again because we were walking through the streets. He walks with his arms hugging himself like he was afraid of anything, afraid of someone hurting him again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hate that he feels that way, but I understand. He doesn't trust anyone and after what happened I can’t blame him. Two people that were supposed to love and care for him, ended up hurting him in the worst way. So, of course, he was afraid. Of course, he didn't trust that he was safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I want that, I want to make him feel safe again. I want him to know that he can trust me. That I would never hurt him. But he needs his time to see that, to feel comfortable and safe, and I would give him this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I want to eat,” Simon says when we reach my house. “Do you suggest anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t try to make me take this decision, I already chose our lunch, now you chose dinner.” He rolls his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just don’t have anything in mind.” He shrugs. “Honestly, I could eat anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing you haven't eaten in a while?” He seems to think. I want him to choose our dinner, it may be a small thing, but I would bet that it’s been a while since he could choose something that he truly wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Curry, maybe? It’s been some months since I last ate.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Curry sounds great.” I smile at him, to let him know that I was okay with him choosing. “Do you wanna take a shower while I order the food? Then we can watch something on Netflix.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll put these in the room.” He points at the bags with his clothes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I order our food and then I go take a shower too. The food doesn't take too long to come and minutes later we are eating and watching Netflix.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tired?” I ask when Simon leans on the sofa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A bit yes.” He answers looking at me. “We walked a lot today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I lost track of time, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be, I-” He looks down and then at me again. “It was fun. It’s been a while since I did something like that, so thanks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t need to thank me, I had fun too.” I can see his cheeks blushing and then he looks away. “If you wanna go to sleep we can finish the episode tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s fine. It’s comforting here.” I can see that he wants to say something else, but he just shakes his head and keeps watching the TV.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t have any idea of what he wanted to say, but I don’t say anything else either. And I wanted to say to him that I was comfortable here with him too. To say that, of course, I hated everything that happened with him, but that I was happy that he was here with me again. At the same moment, I feel guilty for this thought, I would never want him to go through that just to end here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wish things could have been different, that he could end here the same way, but not because he was running away, without anywhere else to go. This situation is so complicated that I think it’s better to not say anything else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some minutes later, Simon’s head falls on my shoulder and I listen to his heavy breathing and I know he is sleeping. I brush his hair away from his forehead, holding myself from kissing his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I let him sleep on my shoulder for some time, almost sleeping too, and just let myself feel the warmth coming from him and listen to the sound of his breath. This is more than comfortable. This is home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The days start to pass as I try to fit into my new routine. Baz is with me almost all the time, the only moment we aren't together is when we are sleeping, or in the morning when he sits in his office and tries to write.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penny comes to visit every day, and she brings Shepard with her sometimes, he seems to be a nice bloke and I can see that Penny is happy with him, so I’m happy for her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fiona didn't call anymore, which leaves me a bit worried, but I am more relaxed now. I am still tense every time someone knocks on the front door, and both times Baz and I left the house, I kept looking over my shoulders. But overall, I’m better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bruises on my face were fading, my right eye was much better and the left one was just a bit purple and swollen, my ribs were not hurting anymore and it was easier to sleep now. I also was eating a bit better, not like when I was younger but better than these last months.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And I was better mentally too, it’s incredible what two weeks around people that cared about me could do. I was starting being better at making choices and saying what I wanted. And it was great not having to take care of every little thing I did. But of course that I was not fine yet, I still had a lot to get better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And I wanted to get better, I wanted to not be afraid for most of the time. And I think it would be great for me to start talking with a therapist, because some things I was not comfortable in talking with Baz and Penny, I would rather talk with some stranger. But I have not decided yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I had found out that cooking was something that helped me to calm down and to pass time, so now I was making scones at Baz’s kitchen. I was not great at it, but the few things I tried were really nice. Baz was not at home, he said that he wanted to make a nice dinner tonight, so he went out to buy a few ingredients that he needs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The doorbell rings making me tense for a second, but I know that it’s Penny, she always passes by this time, so I let what I was doing at the counter and go to the door. I don’t know why she doesn't have the key, especially now that she is here every day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then I open the door and see Henry on the other side. I freeze at the same moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My head is screaming to me to close the door, to run, call Baz, the police, anyone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I can’t move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can’t do anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon.” He says with a smile. “Finally I found you. Do you know how long I was looking for you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I imagine that other people have a hard time thinking that he was a violent person. Because here he is, with a smile on his face, looking relieved in seeing me. That’s the part he plays to other people, the nice and likeable bloke that was always smiling and loved and cared about his boyfriend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That smile, the nice eyes, could have me fooled, already did so many times. But I know him, I know that this is just an act to anyone that could be seeing us. At the moment that he sees that we are alone, his façade would fall.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna say anything?” He asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t have anything to say.” I’m still holding the door open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on babe, you know that I missed you. And you know that you wanna go back with me.” He tries to take my hand, but I step back. “Simon, you know that I didn’t want to hurt you. I never do. You just drive me crazy sometimes.” He laughs. “Please, forgive me, you know that I love you, right? You know that you only will be happy by my side.” I already heard that so many times. Believed that I had no one else. But now I knew that it was a lie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should leave before I call the police,” I say, trying to keep my voice still. “I went away because I wanted to because I couldn't stand to stay there with you anymore. And I’m not going back.” I see irritation passing through his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon.” His tone has already changed. “Let's go, I came until here to take you, and I’m not leaving alone.” I hold the door harder, getting myself ready to close it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will, or I will call the police.” I don’t know how I am still talking, how my voice didn't tremble and I started to panic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon.” He steps forward and I try to close the door, but I’m not fast enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry is on me in a second. I feel his fingers digging on my arms, and I try to fight back because if he takes me if I go back there, I won’t be able to escape again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pushes me against the wall and pulls my chin making me look at him. He is holding me too hard, and I know that it will leave a mark. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon, stop.” The anger in his voice makes me remember of other times that this happened. “You will come with me. The less you fight the better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t go with you. Let me go.” I try to move, but his hands are still holding me. “Let me go, Henry, please.” My voice trembles a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You - “ His grip on my arm and my chin are getting harder as he starts to talk, but then he’s off me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I feel him being pulled away and then he’s on the floor and Baz is standing between me and Henry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave my house now.” Baz’s voice is cold as ice. “The police have already been called, so I think it would be smart of your part to leave and not come back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I barely can see Henry anymore, but I don’t miss the anger in his look as he stands and looks at Baz. For a second I think that he will punch Baz, but he just looks at me and says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the last time I’m saying, let’s go Simon.” I know that I can’t start crying now. I have to show him that I’m serious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s the last time I’m saying that I’m not going with you anywhere.” He looks furious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is not over.” He points at me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is if you value your freedom,” Baz says. “Now, leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry glares Baz and then turns away and leaves. Baz goes and closes and locks the door and then turns to me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I feel my knees giving in and I fall on the floor already feeling the tears running on my face. Baz is by my side in the same instant, holding me tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” I can feel his concern in his voice. “Did he hurt you?” I shake my head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, he was here for like three minutes before you came.” He pushes me away for a second so he can see my face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” His eyes are scanning my face, looking for any new bruise. His fingers brush my chin at the same spot that Henry was holding it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure, he didn’t hurt me this time.” There are still tears on my face, but I’m calmer now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for not being here.” He seems to be feeling guilty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baz is not your fault. You can’t stay with me the whole time.” He pulls me back to him, holding me on his arms again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even so.” He almost whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite what just happened, I’m grateful for being here, for having Baz. His words are soothing and his arms comfortable. And right now the only thing it matters is that he is here with me. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So tell me, what are you thinking of the fic so far?<br/>Give me feedback because I love to read it and to improve my writing and everything else.<br/>Thank you for reading so far.<br/>I hope to come back soon ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 03</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Just like the others this chapter has mentions of violence, and mention of past abuse and rape, but nothing explicit, only mentions.*<br/>This is the last chapter, enjoy ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter 03</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My heart was beating very fast. I couldn't believe what just happened, that if I was a couple of minutes late, then things could have been very different. My hands were shaking but I held Simon tighter just to be sure that he was here, safe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He is still crying, but I can see that he’s not tense or panicking as he was when he came into my house two weeks ago. Actually, I was surprised by the way he dealt with everything. I don’t know if I would act the same if I was in his place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will call Fiona, tell her what happened and if that can make the whole thing go faster.” I feel him nodding. “Come on, let’s sit somewhere comfortable.” I stand and pull his hand making him stand with me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We are still holding hands when we pass by the kitchen, and then he turns and says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to finish the scones.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon, you can do it later or tomorrow.” He shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, cooking helps me to calm down. To not think about anything else.” I squeeze his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, let’s finish the scones then.” He goes to the counter first. “I’m gonna call Fiona and then I’ll come and help okay?” He nods. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I go to the living room and call my aunt. She takes the call when I’m almost giving up. I tell her what just happened, how that bloke that I refuse to say the name, came here and tried to take Simon with him, and when he said no, he tried to do it again using his violent ways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fiona curses like I rarely hear it. She tells me that she will pass the information to the people who are taking care of the whole process and asks for me to take Simon to the police station on the next day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon is concentrated on the scones but lifts his head when I enter the kitchen again. He wasn’t crying anymore, but he had a weird expression. I could see that the ‘not thinking while cooking’ wasn’t working. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you talk to Fiona?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah she told us to go there tomorrow, but she already will be passing the information to complete your statement.” He nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can see that he’s still thinking too hard. He didn’t stop making the scones but he was holding the bowl with so much strength that his knuckles were white. I stop by his side but he still doesn't stop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon,” I call but he doesn't listen, or just ignores me. “Simon.” I tried again, this time putting my hand over his arm. He stops but doesn't look at me. “Come here.” He doesn't do anything at first, but then he lets the bowl and turns to me and I pull him to me again. “We can finish this tomorrow, your mind it's clearly not here.” I feel his arms on my waist, hugging me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do or what to think.” He whispers. “I know that I was always scared when someone knocked on the door, but I didn’t think he could find me here. And now you are in danger too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon, I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. And everything will be better, he won’t show up here again, okay?” He nods. “I’ll call Penny and tell her not to come today and we will try to forget what happened, let’s watch that movie that you wanted, or take a walk in the park, or-” He steps back and looks at me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s finish the scones.” He smiles a bit. “I really want to finish it.” That almost makes me smile too. “And then I can help you to make dinner, and we can talk about other things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, but I just want to reinforce that you are very stubborn.” He smiles for real this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we already established that I am.” He turns to the counter. “Now let’s do this.” I nod to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes the damn bowl again while I text Penny, telling her briefly not to come here today and promising to explain everything the next day.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, how are your sisters?” He asks me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They are doing great, they all are so big now, Mordelia is a teenager already and soon the twins will be too. But they still annoy me just like when they were small.” I laugh, missing those little devils.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I always liked them, especially Mordelia.” He says. “Don’t tell the others though.” I laugh again. “But Mordelia was always very smart, and sarcastic, she was always a lot like you actually.” It might be silly, but hearing that Simon likes my sister and that he thinks that she is like me, makes my heart beat faster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She still is.” Simon smiles again. “Now it’s my time to ask.” He nods. “Why did you always love scones?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly, I don’t know. I remember that we always ate after school, remember?” I nod. “Since that time I have always loved it.” He looks at me briefly. “What your first book talks about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s about a powerful boy, the chosen one, that has to save the magical world, and has a lot of other stuff. I think you will have to read it to see.” I prefer not to tell him that the boy was based on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you have a copy here then I’ll start tomorrow.” Simon puts the scones in the oven. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have, tomorrow I’ll take it for you.” Now I don’t know why I suggested it. He will realize that the main character is him, and the antagonist/love interest is me. I shouldn't have said anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I was about to ask Simon another thing when my phone rings and I see Penny’s name on the screen. I don’t want to explain everything to her today, because I know that it will drag Simon down, so I just turn off the phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks at me but doesn't ask anything, so before he could think again about his ex-boyfriend, I ask him about college and some things of his life. He asks me things too, but despite the talk, I still can see sadness and fear in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He helps me with dinner and we eat while still making questions to each other. I try to avoid some subjects but it’s hard, his father or his ex-boyfriend are involved with most parts of his life, so sometimes I end up asking him something that makes him sad. But overall, everything goes well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’ll go to bed now.” He says after we finish cleaning the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll try to write a bit and then I’ll head to the bed too.” I look at him. “If you need anything, just call me, okay?” He nods. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” We keep staring at each other for some time. I don’t know why, but neither of us moves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon is close to me, his cheeks are a bit red, but he doesn't look away and neither do I. I feel drowning in the blue of his eyes, locked at my place, unable to turn away or look at any other thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then my phone rings and both of us seem to remember what was happening. Simon clears his throat and says good night leaving the kitchen before I could say anything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t know what just happened. I only know that it was enough to make me stop thinking about Henry and the disaster that could have happened if Baz wasn't here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now I’m thinking about Baz’s eyes. The way he was looking at me, so close and yet so far. I don’t know if I should be thinking about him, but now it’s better for me to do that, to think about good things instead of the bad ones. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, I let myself forget or at least put aside the previous events, and only focus on Baz. On the way we were talking and asking things to each other. The way that I was comfortable with him (but well, I was always comfortable with him). The way he was looking at me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t know exactly what his feelings for me were years ago. But I think that a part of him still has those feelings. I can see in his eyes, I can feel in the way he treats me, the way he talks to me. I just wish that the situation was different so I could do something about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I can’t be thinking like that. I’m definitely not in a good moment to be with someone. I need some time and space to know who I am, who I can be. And maybe after that, I can go back to think about all of these things. For now, I just hope that I’ll get better.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>*****</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’m cooking in Baz’s kitchen. He is not anywhere inside the house so I guess he left to do something. I’m washing my hands when someone knocks on the front door. It’s early for Penny to be here, but I go open it. And Henry is on the other side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I have a strange feeling that this already happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Henry talks but I don’t understand what he’s saying. I see his angry face and feel his fingers pulling me and I can’t react. I keep hoping that someone will appear and help me, but no one is here. So, I close my eyes waiting for the first punch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When I open my eyes again I see that I’m not in Baz’s house anymore, I’m back to the flat that I shared with Henry. Only then I start to cry, sobbing so hard, that my whole body trembles. Henry is coming in my direction again, and I try to walk, to run away, but I’m stuck in my place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I can’t believe that I was back here, that he was here again and that nightmare would start again. I feel his hands on me. I feel pain all over my body. I feel broken and empty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t know what to do except hope that this will be over soon. I keep crying, asking Henry to stop when someone touches my arm, gently and calls my name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I open my eyes and find Baz sitting on the edge of the bed, touching my arm and face, looking extremely worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon.” He says with a soft voice. I sit, throwing my arms around him, wanting to know that this was real. “It was a nightmare.” He rubs my back. “He won’t hurt you anymore, okay? No one will.” His words are calm but I sense the sadness in his voice. “I’m here okay?” I nod. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” I whisper against his neck. “But it was so real.” His arms hold me tighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He says, still rubbing circles on my back. “I really wish I could do something to help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re already doing a lot, Baz” I let him go so I can look at him. “Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t found you.” His fingers touch, lightly, my cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I still wish I could do more.” He looks away. “And I’m happy that you found me.” I’m thinking about something to reply, but he changes the subject. “Do you want tea or something else to try to sleep again?” I shake my head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m okay now.” He nods. “Just - Uh - Could you stay? I don’t want to be alone.” I feel myself burning, but Baz only nods to me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I go to the corner of the bed, leaving space so Baz could lay down by my side. He goes to turn off the light while I lay back on the pillow, turning on my side so I can face Baz. He does the same, and we both keep looking at each other for some seconds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was thinking,” Baz starts. “My family has that cottage away from the city, the one we went in one summer." I nod, remembering the place. "We could go there, and stay for a few days away from all of this. I could use the time to try to write and you could relax, without worrying that someone could appear.” Is he real?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I -” I try to talk, but I’m touched by his care, by how he is trying to help me so bad.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay if you don’t want it, it’s just something I thought.” I take his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a great idea. And I would love to stay out of the city for some time. I think it would really help.” He smiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great. We’ll go tomorrow to the police station, talk to Fiona and then we can go.” This time I smile too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds like a good plan.” I close my eyes, feeling sleepy again. “Thank you for taking care of me, Baz.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Always.” He whispers. “Goodnight, Simon.” He squeezes my hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Baz,” I whisper back, already drifting back to sleep.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t have more nightmares for the rest of the night.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon and I are still holding hands when I wake up. I don’t know what time it is, but the sun is already shining in the sky. Simon is still sleeping, he looks a lot more relaxed now, not even close to how he was last night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I was sitting in front of my computer, writing and rewriting the same paragraph over and over again, when I heard Simon screaming. I ran to his room, afraid that somehow that bloke could have entered my house, but when I opened the door I found Simon still sleeping, but screaming and crying. It scared a lot of me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the visit of his ex-boyfriend, it was normal for him to be reliving the moments of terror he had, or to be afraid to go back there. I knew he was afraid, that he didn’t want to see him anymore. But it still broke my heart hear him scream and cry, to plead to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Henry </span>
  </em>
  <span>to stop. How many times that really happened?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was also why I suggested that we should go to the cottage. I was already thinking about it, but the unexpected visit made me more sure that we should go there. Simon has to be away from all of this mess to start to heal. He was starting to feel better in those two weeks, but now I don’t know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t want him to be afraid all the time. I don’t want him to stay locked inside my house for weeks, afraid of leaving. I want him to be comfortable and relaxed. I want him to be able to start to plan his future and his new life without thinking of his ex. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I leave him still sleeping and go to my room, to take a shower and start to organize everything so we can leave soon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penny called last night, but I didn’t want to talk to her, so I only said that I would call this morning, and it’s what I do. After putting clean clothes, I take my phone and call her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Finally.” She says after picking the call. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning to you too.” She huffs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is not a good morning Basilton, I have been waiting since last night to know what happened.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I couldn't talk to you yesterday, I was taking care of Simon.” Kind of truth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I went out to buy some things for dinner, and in the meantime, Henry showed up here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” She is shocked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. He tried to take Simon with him and when Simon said no, he became violent, luckily I came home in time before he could hurt Simon again. But it was clear that he won’t give up yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That son of a bitch.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My thoughts exactly.” I sigh. “Anyway, I called Fiona and she asked us to go there today to see if they can speed the process.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is Simon?” Penny sounds concerned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was firm with Henry, but once he was out of my house, Simon broke down, of course. Physically he is fine, but mentally not so much. We cooked dinner and talked, Simon wanted to forget what happened. But later, when he was sleeping, he started to scream. I was working, so I heard it, it was just a nightmare this time, but he looked so bad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Poor Simon.” She stays in silence for a second. “What can I do to help Baz?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure if there is something we can do. I’ll take him to the police station today and then I’ll take him to my family’s cottage, you know? I think it will be nice for him to be away from the city and he agreed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a good idea. Can I go visit you there?” Like she has to ask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Penny. He just wants to be away from the city, not from you. He will like to have you there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope this time will make him better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We talk about other things before turning off and I finish packing the things that I’ll need in this time that we will be away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that I go to the kitchen to prepare our breakfast, Simon wakes up when I’m almost finishing the coffee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, good morning,” I say to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning.” He yawns. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you feeling better?” I’m a bit afraid of asking that to him, but I had to know. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A bit. I’ll be better throughout the day.” I nod to him. “Thank you for helping me last night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was nothing.” I shake my head and change the subject. “I already packed my things, if you want, after breakfast you can pack your things and then we are good to go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will go with me to the police station, right? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I’ll be there with you. And Fiona said she will be there too.” He nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t wait for this to be over.” He looks tired.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We eat our breakfast in silence but I can see that he’s nervous. Then I try to talk about other things, but he’s not paying attention. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I clean the kitchen while Simon goes to pack his clothes. He doesn’t take too long, so just a few minutes later we’re already putting the suitcases on my car and going to the police station. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon gets super nervous as we get closer and only gets worse when we meet Fiona at the front door of the police station. She led us inside and introduced two of her coworkers to us. We talked for a few minutes before they took us to a private room. They tried to take just Simon, but he held my hand and refused to go without me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two detectives, Johnson and Matthews, ask Simon a lot of things about his life with his ex and he tells again the things he already told me, including the encounter of last night. But they ask more things that I haven’t asked because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and honestly, I’m not sure if I wanted to know. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He starts to blush and his voice trembles, but he tells them about the sexual assaults committed by his boyfriend. About how he thought that wasn't rape because he was dating the person who did that until he realised that dating didn’t mean that he gave a permanent consent. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I already had imagined that it wasn’t only physical and mental violence that he suffered, but I never said anything, because if he didn’t say anything it was because he was not comfortable about it, he probably was ashamed. And that, unfortunately, is a normal reaction of a victim in these situations, and it’s how he is feeling now. I know him enough to know when he is embarrassed, guilty and I can see on his face all of that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But I wanted to tell him that he doesn't have to feel any of that. That it wasn’t his fault. But I just hold his hand tighter, to remember him that I was here and that I wouldn’t go anywhere. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The detectives ask more a few things before letting us go. They say that the restraining order will take more a couple of days to be approved and if Henry tried to get Simon again, then he would go to jail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon doesn’t let go of my hand until we reach the car. Fiona tells us that she will contact me if something happens, and wishes us a good trip. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The city starts to stay behind us and neither of us said a word yet. I feel Baz’s eyes on me, but I don’t look back at him. I know he is worried, especially after hearing what I told the detectives.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk?” He asks me after long minutes of silence. “Or do you wanna keep asking things like last night?” I like the way that he knows me. Like he lets himself available to listen to me, to talk to me, or to just distract me from all the bad things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s talk about other things,” I’m not really in the mood to talk about everything again. “How your new book it's going?” I ask him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have like twenty pages done, but probably I’ll have to start all over again because I can’t find the right words. I have the general idea of what I want to write, but the words just don’t come out.” He sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you tell me what the story is? Or it’s a secret?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a queer romance with a bit of drama,” I see a hint of red on his skin. “you know, like accepting yourself and coming out to the family and things like that, with a lot of angst.” I nod. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Speaking about that, how are you and your father going?” I hadn’t asked before, but I was curious about it. Baz and his father were always fighting since we were teenagers when Baz came out to his family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re doing better now.” He says. “We had a hard time in the past, but in the last years, he started to accept me better. Much for the influence of Daphne of course, but still, it’s a lot better than when we were teenagers.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s nice.” I imagine for a second how it would be to have my father accepting me. My mother was always by my side, but my father did his best to try to make me straight. Because in his head this is how it works. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that Baz’s father is perfect, I was with him a lot of times they fought, and his father said bad things to him, but at least, in the end, he accepted Baz. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is.” He nods. “We still have a long way in front of us, but it’s good not to be fighting always. He even tries to make conversation about it, asking if I’m dating and stuff like that.” He smiles a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And your book is inspired by your story? I mean the one with your family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A bit, yes, it’s hard not to take any inspiration when I’m writing about something that I already have been through.” He shrugs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I look forward to reading then. Just don’t make it all angst.” I smile. “People like happy endings, especially when it’s not expected.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll think about it.” He smiles too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We keep talking about normal things for a while until I fall asleep, I always fall asleep when I’m too long in a car. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t have dreams, or at least I don’t remember any, which is good because I’m tired of my nightmares. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I wake up with Baz calling me, I don’t know how long after. I look outside the car and see the Pitch’s cottage. Everything is still looking like I remember. I came here only once, Baz had to stay here during the whole summer and I didn’t want to be so much time away from him, so I came too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We were only thirteen, but since then I knew that I didn’t want to be away from him. Looking back, it’s unbelievable how long it took for me to see that I liked him more than just like a friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long was I sleeping?” I ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For almost three hours.” He smiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should have woken me, I would have kept you company,” I say as we leave the car. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, I know you can’t stay awake for too long in a car.” I still think it is incredible how well he knows me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We take our things inside the cottage, and I see that the place is looking the same as it was twelve years ago. It’s almost like going back in time and for some seconds I wish we could do it, but only thinking about going through everything that I already went through, it’s enough for making me glad of that not being possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I go take a walk around the grounds of the cottage while Baz unpacks his things. I wanted to talk about what happened, about Henry’s visit yesterday and everything I told the police today. But I didn't want to talk to Baz about it. He is already worried about me, and I didn't want him to be even more worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe I should start talking to a therapist, I should mention to Baz, maybe he can help me find someone. But a part of me was still ashamed of what happened. I know that it wasn’t my fault that everything happened, but deep down, I feel like it is. Like everything is my fault. And this part doesn't want to talk about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When I go back to the cottage, Baz is already in the kitchen, making something for us to eat. It’s already late for lunch, but we didn't stop to eat, so we are both starving. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” I start after we finish our late lunch. “I was thinking that maybe I should start talking to someone you know. Like a therapist.” Baz seems surprised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that’s great. Therapy is really good, and I think it would help you a lot.” He smiles. “I thought of suggesting, but I didn't want to pressure you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was already thinking about it, but I don’t know if I was ready before, actually I don’t know if I am ready now, but I think it’s time.” He nods. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have the contact of some therapists. I was in therapy for a while you know,” I nod. “And I remember that Fiona had an old colleague that worked with therapy, I can see if she’s still working.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That would be great.” He smiles again, and this time I smile too. “Thank you for bringing me here. It’s weird, but I already feel less tense than before.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think this time out of the city will be very good for you. And maybe to me too. I’ll try to go back to writing again, maybe I can find inspiration here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you will. And I still want to read your book. I have all the time now.” He seems a bit embarrassed but nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I brought the book for you and we have a small library here, so if you want to read other books feel free to get it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before I could reply, Penny calls and talks to both of us, wanting to know how everything went through at the police station and how I was. She hangs up after almost twenty minutes promising to come to visit at the weekend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, everything starts to get better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon is talking to a therapist twice a week and even though it’s been only four weeks since he started the therapy, he is doing a lot better. He still has nightmares some nights, and sometimes he still closes himself and cries, especially when he thinks I’m not seeing. But he’s a lot better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Here, away from the city, it seems that he left most of his problems behind. He seems more energetic and he is eating better too. I think that in a few more weeks he will be looking healthy again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We talk a lot and we practically spend the whole day together, but I never wanted to mention anything to him about what I feel for him. About what happened between us years ago. A lot of times I had the question at the tip of my tongue, but in the end, I don’t want to say something that could hurt him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But that also helped me in going back writing. I don’t know why, but these last weeks I have been writing a lot. It’s like I had all of these words locked in my mind and now it’s flowing to the pages. I write thinking about what happened to me and with Simon. I write thinking about what I wanted to happen with us.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s easy now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I feel connected with my book, and I feel that now this is gonna work. But I still don’t want to mention anything to anyone yet, only Simon knows that I’m back writing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I hear some noise outside the office and when I look at the clock I see that I have been here, writing, for almost three hours now. A new record on these last months. Simon must have just finished his session with his therapist, so I decide that I have already been here long enough and go join him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It takes me some minutes to save everything I wrote and leave the office, but I easily spot him in the living room, sitting on the sofa with a bowl full of popcorn on his lap, watching something on TV.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” He smiles when he sees me. This was something new too, he was smiling much more now. “How much did you write?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” I say sitting by his side. “But I wrote a lot.” He offers me a bowl of popcorn. “What are you watching?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a baking show. I was thinking about trying to bake tomorrow again, I know that the cookies that I made last week were terrible, but I have a feeling that this time will be better.” He smiles again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s great, and the cookies weren't terrible, just a bit …” I tried to look for a better word, but the cookies were really bad. “Uneatable.” He laughs. “We can go to the city and buy some ingredients tomorrow morning.” He nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We watch the show for some minutes until I start to think about Simon’s parents. I haven’t asked him about them, but I was curious about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“May I ask you something?” He turns to me. “About your parents.” He nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your mother knew about what your father did with you?” He nods again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was difficult for her. For both of us. We were always trying to protect each other, but she always had fragile health, so since I started to understand what was happening, I knew that I could protect her better. She didn’t like it, but sometimes I didn't let her know.” I hold his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay. I almost don’t talk about her, but it’s nice. I like to remember her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your father never found you after you ran away?” Maybe I should stop talking about it, but I think Simon is better now. I think that talk could help him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I don’t know how he didn't, but I guess at least about that I was lucky.” He shrugs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I could have realised what was happening to you. I could have helped. Penny and I could. So many things could have gone differently.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. And I know that it was not my fault either, but I was the one who didn’t tell you.” He holds my hand tighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn't need to, we were your friends, we should have realised. When you stopped talking to us we should have seen that something was wrong, that you wouldn’t just stop talking to us for no reason. If we knew that it was your father who made you stop talking to us…” He makes a face. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I …” He looks down. “My father didn’t make me stop talking to both of you.” His voice is low.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He made me stop talking to you.” I frown and he sighs. “Do you remember, that day when we were buying Mordelia’s birthday present? Before I stopped talking to you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, her party would be on the weekend and I was in doubt about what I should buy for her and you wanted to help.” That memory almost makes me smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. Well, we left one store and then we stopped on the sidewalk to talk about something that I don’t remember. But I hugged you, remember?” He blushes, but I only nod. “And then I pulled you by your hand and we kept walking together, still holding hands.” I nod again afraid to say something. “My father was passing by and he saw.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” It’s the only thing I can say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you can add ‘homophobic’ to the list of things that my father is.” He looks away. “When I was back home that night, he … It was terrible. He said so many terrible things. Did terrible things.” He looks at a scar on his forearm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He did this?” I ask tracing the scar with my fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That and much more. And then he said that he would do the same with you if I didn’t stop seeing you.” He looks at me again. “So, that’s why I couldn't show up on the next day at college and that’s why I stopped talking to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I … I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baz, I …” Before he could finish my phone rings. That thing has the worst timing ever.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Fiona, just a second.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t know why I told Baz that, but I felt that I had to tell him the truth. About what my father really did. What treats he made. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m still thinking about that when Baz hangs up his phone and sits again by my side with an expression that I can’t read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fiona had bad news and good news. Which one do you wanna hear first?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The bad one.” I’m so used to the bad news that I’m surprised that he has a good one.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Henry broke into my house this morning.” He says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Oh my god, that man didn't know when to stop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, the police found him in the middle of my living room, with my furniture all messy and broked, and he was yelling and calling you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s … I don’t have enough words. That son of a bitch. If we weren't here …” I start to think about what could have happened if we were in Baz’s house.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” He holds my hand again. “Thankfully, we are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is the good news then?” I ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was arrested.” I can see that Baz is almost smiling. “For breaking into my house and also for disrespecting the restraining order. Of course, you weren't there, but he intended to get you, so … they arrested him. Now they have enough proof to let him in jail for a long time.” I don’t know what to say. “Simon?” Baz calls me after some seconds of silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to say.” I look at him. “I’m relieved of course, but also afraid that he could leave and be even angrier.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He won’t. We can go back tomorrow if you want and then we can start to figure it all out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” He smiles and I see that he’s trying to be confident, and it kinda works.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We go back watching the baking show, until dinnertime. We only talk about trivial things and neither of us mentions my crazy ex or my parents again, just cheerful things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later, when we go to sleep I almost don’t think about the bad things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I fall asleep easily, thinking about the same thing I’ve been always thinking lately. I sleep thinking about Baz.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time, I woke up from my nightmare by myself. I don’t think I was screaming this time, but I know that I wanted to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I remember what I just saw in my dream and it makes me stand from my bed, leave my room and go to Baz’s room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s sleeping peacefully on his bed, which makes me breathe relieved. I knew that it was only a nightmare, but I had to see for myself. To check on him and make sure that he was fine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Usually, I dream with me being back at Henry’s flat or at my father’s house. But this time it was worse. I had to watch them hurt Baz. I saw him bleeding and heard his screams. I had to watch it without being able to help. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I would never want to go back to my old life, but if I had to choose between that happening with me or with Baz, then I would gladly go back if it meant that he was safe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m almost turning and leaving when Baz wakes up and sees me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon?” He’s confused. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I …” I try to nod but I end up shaking my head. “It was a nightmare. I just want to see if you were okay.” He sits on the bed and I think that maybe I should leave, but I don’t want to be alone. “Can I stay here?” Thankfully it’s dark enough so he can’t see me blushing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, come here.” He says raising the blanket to me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I go to his bed and lay down by his side while he lays back. We are facing each other now, but neither of us says anything for some minutes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you wanna talk about your dream?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just … You were being hurt, and I had to watch, unable to help you.” I want to reach for him, to touch his face, but I stay still. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay, no one hurt me.” He says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, it’s just that … it was so real. I hated to see that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was how I felt when you showed up at my door. I loved to see you again, but I hated that you were so hurt and I couldn't do anything to help.” He’s looking at me with so much intensity that I almost look away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You couldn’t do anything to help? Baz, everything you did this whole time was to help me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but I couldn't help you before. To do something to prevent that you were being hurt. Watching you that way, knowing that it wasn't the first time that you were hurt, hurt me too.” His words make my eyes tear up a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baz …” I start, but I don’t know what to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I shouldn’t say that to you know, but I don’t think I can hide it too long.” I frown when he looks away, but then he looks back at me. “I love you, Simon, I’ve always loved you, and I know you are going through a hard phase now, but I wanted you to know that I’m here and I won’t leave. And even though I hate that you have been through so much, I'm glad that you found me again.” I just stare at his grey eyes. “I know that you don’t …” I don’t let him finish. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Since I started to realise that my feelings for Baz were different from what I previously had thought, I wanted to know how it was to kiss him. Now I know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I let my lips touch his and he seems surprised at first, but then he kisses me back. It’s not a long kiss. It’s not like I wanted it to be when we were teenagers, but it works for me now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t know how long we stay kissing, I know it’s not enough, but I pull back, so I can talk to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baz …” My forehead touches his. “I know I’m not the better person to be with now, but I love you. I always did, but I realised too late and everything happened with my father and I hated to be away from you, I hated that I let you think that I hadn’t feelings for you. I wanted to be with you, I’ve always wanted that.” His fingers brush my cheeks. “I’m still working through everything it happened, and I’m healing, but there’s still a long way in front of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I will be with you through every step. If you wanted me, of course.” That makes me laugh a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I do. I just need you to know that I still need time to adjust to this new life. And sometimes things can be a bit hard for me. I’m not comfortable the whole time and touching, kissing, sometimes …” I feel my cheeks burning. “Sometimes it’s just too much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Simon.” His voice is low and calm. “I know you’re not healed yet, and that’s okay. Take one step at a time, there is no rush. I’ll be here with you the whole time, we don’t need to rush into anything. I’ve always wanted you to be here again, and you are. The rest we can figure it out later.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I let my lips touch his again, quickly. I’m not too good with words, but I am better with actions. I wanted to show him that I liked what he said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we can talk more tomorrow,” I say with a yawn and Baz laughs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can. Come on, let’s sleep a bit.” Baz opens his arms to me. “Do you wanna …” I even let him finish. I lay down on his chest feeling his arms around me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes touching is too much to me, but Baz’s arms are always comfortable, soothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good night, Simon.” He whispers, giving a kiss on my hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good night, Baz.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s much easier to sleep after that. Knowing that Baz loves me and wants to be with me even with all my scars makes me calmer. Makes me breathe more relaxed and makes me enjoy even more the warmth from his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I’m anxious for tomorrow. For what will come for us from now on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But for now, I’m good where I am. All the rest can wait. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I have Baz here with me. Definitely, that’s more than enough. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simon sleeps quickly after closing his eyes, but I can’t sleep yet. I feel awake, still thinking about everything he said, everything I said.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Definitely, that’s not how I expected the night to end. With Simon in my arms, after hearing that he loved me, I could easily think that this is a dream, but thankfully it was real. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I know that, just like he said, we still have a lot in front of us, but this seems a good start. I don’t care if we can’t date normally as most people do. I have him here with me. He has my heart and I have his, and this is much more than I ever thought it was possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, I had to think about our future. I had to keep helping him to heal, to go back to a normal life, full with love and care and no more trauma. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seems a good plan, a good thing to look forward to. Thinking about having Simon by my side for the next months, and years makes my mind calm down and I start to feel sleepy again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When I close my eyes, I still feel his lips on mine. It wasn't a long kiss, but for me, it was more than enough to see that Simon meant what he said. That he trusts me enough to kiss me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I fall asleep still remembering the feeling of his kiss and the way he said he loved me. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I fall asleep feeling the heat on his body and his arms around my waist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I fall asleep knowing that I have never been so comfortable as right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And for me, that’s more than enough. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was a really difficult story to write. I had the idea on my head, but I hate to write sad and angst stories, but I liked the result. <br/>Thank you for everyone who read it, I hope to see you in my other stories.<br/>I'm already starting another story, this one though doesn't have any angst on it, so I'm much happier in writing that one.<br/>Again, thank you, and please, leave kudos and comments so I can know what you all thought about the chapter and the fic. <br/>Hope to come back soon ;)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is probably the most angst story that I already wrote it, but the idea came to my mind and I had to write it.<br/>But tell me, what did you think?<br/>I'm already finishing the last chapter, so I intend to come back soon ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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